BREAKING NEWS!

AnimalStyle: i’m not doing well over here

i think i really may puke right now

brb

THIS COULD BE IT! SHE HAS BEEN GONE FIVE MINUTES.

Puke Bet Update #3–11:51 AM

When asked what she was drinking last night, AnimalStyle replied only: “Your Mom”.

Word is that now AnimalStyle may or may not be eating Cheez-Its, which is not a good sign for Kevin, but may be for me. The Cheez-Its may provide sustenance that will get her through the next hour, but we have to remember she is still delirious from drinking until roughly 6 am. At some point, the novelty will wear off, and she will hit the brick wall and begin to slide down it. At that point the Cheez-Its could turn on her.

Given the use of stimulants, the only real cure for a night like AnimalStyle’s is sleep, and that is exactly what she is not getting. Cheez-Its are a shoddy band-aid at best. Don’t start cashing out yet.

Puke Bet Update #2–11:16 AM

AnimalStyle is still alive after all.

Kevin: have you eaten yet?

AnimalStyle: I want to die

I had 4 chips

but I feel sick

The over/under on this is shot all to hell. Generally eating food can go one of two ways. It can either sustain you or it can just give you something to throw up. The fact that AnimalStyle tried to eat and had to stop is encouraging. But that she got through 4 chips before doing so is an ambiguous sign. Vegas currently favors a pre-1 PM hurling, but the high rollers are chomping at the bit to see what’s happened once noon hits, when by all accounts, the action is going to get hot. 

STAY TUNED.

Puke Bet Update #1–10:34 AM

AnimalStyle is not responding to instant messages. This could be over before it begins.

The Great Hung Over Puke Bet of 2007

IN THE STILL THRIVING SPIRIT OF AWESOME COMPETITION, KEVIN AND I WILL NOW DO BATTLE OVER WHEN ANIMALSTYLE PUKES AT WORK.

This morning, Kevin had an idea. An idea based off of this conversation:

AnimalStyle: I am so fucked up right now

Kevin: What are you on dude? Meth?

AnimalStyle: Coke and alcohol. This is bad.

I had to come in today.

Kevin: Dude what the fuck.

Did you sleep?

AnimalStyle: I just rolled out of bed and took a cab here.

I slept like an hour.

Kevin: Dude get it together.

you’re acting like lohan.

SO NOW SINCE SHE IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO PUKE AND MAYBE DIE, THE ONLY HUMANE THING TO DO IS TAKE BETS ON WHEN THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I SAID 1:40 PM, AS LUNCH WILL HAVE A CALMING EFFECT INITIALLY, AND THEN THE STASIS OF THE AFTERNOON WILL BE TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. KEVIN HAS LITTLE FAITH SHE WILL MAKE IT THAT FAR, AND CHOSE 12:30.

AND FOR THE RECORD, ANYTHING CONCERNING AWESOME COMPETITION WILL HERETOFORE APPEAR IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

WHOEVER COMES CLOSEST WITHOUT GOING OVER WINS! WATCH FOR UPDATES! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Cue the Music

Kevin: fuck this man, i’m pulling the plug on this right now

facebook suicide

here we go

Murder: CAUSE ITS A BITTERSWEEEEET

SYMPHONYYYY THATS LIFFFEEEEE

Facebook

OMG YOU UPLOADED PICS???? OMG!

OMG YOU REMOVED BOWLING FROM YOUR INTERESTS??? WHY DO YOU NOT BOWL ANYMORE OR SOMETHING??? OMG OMG! THAT SUCKS CAUSE YOU WERE WICKED GOOD!!!!!1

OMG YOU ADDED THE “AM I HOT OR NOT” APPLICATION, AND THEN REMOVED THE “AM I HOT OR NOT” APPLICATION, AND THEN ADDED THE “AM I HOT OR NOT” APPLICATION AGAIN??? SO ARE YOU GONNA REMOVE IT AGAIN OR WHATS THE STORY??

OMG YOUR ARE LIVE BLOGGING YOUR SUICIDE??? ROFL!

Orlando Hudson

is a second baseman.

REDEMPTION VIA HINDSIGHT

Nevahmind, we won after all!

Kevin: did you win the perfect strangers stuff?

Sent at 10:35 AM on Tuesday

Murder: yep

god dammit

Kevin: dude

that is the perfect ending to our ebay war

are you kidding?

Murder: it is?

Kevin: yes man

everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did

and you ended up with a bunch of perfect strangers buttons and a sheep on a pencil

me: hmmm

YOU’RE RIGHT

Kevin: ‘we are the champions’ is playing in my head right now

Murder: it’s like we transcended competition!

Kevin: we outfoxed everybody

it was the surprise ending no one expected

due to massive misdirection on our part

Murder: dude

that is incredible!

Kevin: i coudn’t be happier

and we couldn’t have planned it better

VICTORY IS A DISH THAT TASTES LIKE SIAMESE FRIED RICE AND ALSO VERY SWEET AND AWESOME.

Disappointment and Anticlimax

Uhh…

So neither Kevin nor I won the autographed Nelson Mandela picture. Some dude named “ToadlyCrystal” won it, with a bid of $4.90. Needless to say that’s pretty god damn pathetic. Here is what the bid history looked like.

I think it’s funny that we both bricked not only on bidding in the last hour of the sale, but also in the last 24 hours of the sale. I SMELL A REMATCH.

Also, ToadlyCrystal. Just let that name wash over you for a minute.

In other news:

Levi: knock knock.

Murder: who’s there?

Levi: twin towers

Murder: twin towers who?

Levi: YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!