Parappa Da Rappa

Murder: wow

what about dat nigga daz

Winnie Cooper: who?

Murder: the rapper

sorry,

“da rappa”

Winnie Cooper: right, maybe him.

Murder: remember pa rappa da rappa? the video game?

YOU IS RAPPIN GOOD

YOU IS RAPPIN BAAD

YOU IS RAPPIN IN A HOUSE, AND YOU IS A DOG WIF BIG EARS

Winnie Cooper: yeah i remeber parappa

Murder: YOU IS RAPPIN BY PUSHIN BUTTONS WITH SQUARES AND CIRCLES AND SHIT ON THEM

and if you lost it was like

YOU PLAYED YOSELF BITCH

Winnie Cooper: yep, that’s exactly what it was like

Murder: GIT OUT ON DAT CORNAH

AND BRING ME MAH MONEYZ

and then you had to pay the playstation like 40 bucks to get to the new level

and this time you were in like parappa’s backyard or something

Sent at 12:43 PM on Tuesday

YOU IS RAPPIN GOOD

KMase Tells Jokes

Murder: seriously, we’re getting you on tour

KMase: on the clown tour?

did i just get into clown college???

with a SCHOLARSHIP???!!!

Murder: YOU JUST GOT A FULL RIDE

THEY’RE WAVING THE TUITION FEE

KMase: LIKE A FLAG???

Murder: OH MY GOD YOU JUST GRADUATED!!!!!!

These Innernets are Crude

Call me old fashioned, but I’m fairly sure it’s not appropriate for the term “Clusterfuck” to be appearing in bold on the Google News homepage.

Tying up Loose Ends at the Last Minute

 Brown: MURRAY I NEED A POST AND STAT

Sent at 4:48 PM on Thursday

me: FOUR MINUTES BROWN

I CANT HEAR YOU

LALALALALA

Brown: 

v

me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

NO MORE VAGINA FACE

Brown:  VAGINA

me: SEE, THERE

I JUST GAVE YOU A WEBSIDES POST

The Dumbest Conversation Between Two People, Ever

 Murder: on it

Brown: nice

Sent at 2:46 PM on Monday

Murder: sent

Brown: DOPERS

Sent at 2:48 PM on Monday

Murder: cc me

Brown: fuck

Murder: whatevah

Brown: redone

Murder: swee

Poll: What Was the Greatest Television Show Ever?

Answer: It was obviously Wings.

This historic sitcom ran for a stunning 172 episodes through the golden age of  my youth, 1990 to 1997, and chronicled the struggles of the Hackett brothers, Brian and Joe, as they attempted to run a small airline based out of Nantucket Island. Perhaps the show’s biggest addition to the canon of network television during its seven year run was the infallible Lowell Mather. Played by a young Thomas Haden Church, the eccentric yet sincere airport mechanic ’s misadventuresome ways were the focal point of the show’s comic relief, episode after episode. Take for example the following dialogue, concerning a ten-foot sub Lowell and others believe will be in attendance at Joe and Helen’s engagement party.

Brian Hackett: Brace yourself guys… um… were not having a big sandwich.
Lowell Mather: Excuse me, but, it almost sounded like you said there’d be no big sandwich.
Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Everyone loves the big sandwich.
Roy Biggins: A party with out a big sandwich? It-it-it-it-it’s just not done.
Casey Chappel Davenport: All right! Enough about the big sandwich. I am sure you will all be more than pleased with the food especially after you’ve tasted the marvelous poached Salmon.
Lowell Mather: How many feet did you get?
Casey Chappel Davenport: It doesn’t come by the foot.
Lowell Mather: Then how do you know when your full?
Casey Chappel Davenport: I gotta get off this island

Words should have sent a poet.

Urban Planning–Meet Kevin

So after my superior made a passive aggressive, sarcastically coddling pass at me today, I started looking for other jobs. I came across one listed in the nearby surf town of Deerfield Beach for an Urban Planner. Here it is:

Performs professional work in urban design, zoning, land use, growth management, transportation and/or site planning.  Performs a variety of program/project planning activities that impact municipal development and include analyzing data and formulating and recommending plans and programs relevant to municipal conditions and needs. 

How awesome does that sound? I would be amazing at that. My friend Kevin didn’t think so.

Murder: is urban planning cool?

Kevin: what do you mean

Murder: like as a profession

Kevin: i think it’s a lot of work

Murder: yeah?

well fuck that then

Kevin: like planning a city?

i would imagine that would be pretty labor intensive, yeah

Murder: no i think its different

like planning zoning, dealing with growth, stuff like that. maintaining a city’s infrastructure. i’d want to do it in a small town

Kevin: hahahah

Murder: what?

Kevin: dude

i am not living in your town

no offense

Murder: why?

Kevin: dude, look, you’re a good guy

i like you

Murder: but…

Kevin: but i’m not living in a city that you plan. it is far beyond your depth

Murder: what the hell does that mean?

Kevin: it would require multiple master’s degrees and decades of experience

Murder: oh

Kevin: i’m not sure that you’re quite ready for it

Murder: probably not

Kevin: a good place to start might be with Sim City 2000

a lot of great computer stores carry it

Murder: if i was an urban planner i’d already know where those stores are located

Kevin: you could just play second life, and be an urban planner

Murder: no way

Kevin: would you go and see “Sim City 2000: The Movie”?

Murder: WOW. i can’t even wrap my head around what it would mean

so yes

Kevin: i imagine it sort of like watching TRON. . except watching a movie of myself watching TRON

Murder: it’d be hard to watch when the protagonist got bored with building and started trying to choose from the disasters in the drop down menu

Kevin: yes, that would be tragic. it wouldn’t be a family movie

See, Kevin’s the kind of guy that, in my town, would get a flaming pit dug in a ring around his house for being such a pussy. And he’d have to watch from his front porch through the flames while the rest of the town played on the giant carousel across the street from him, and he’d have to watch the drunks stumble home from the Drunkard’s Quarter on Tuesday nights because I’ve passed an ordinance that outlaws work, except for in Kevin’s house, which will be built of a series of cubicles stacked on top of each other.