The obvious answer to my problems is Craigslist.

http://fortlauderdale.craigslist.org/wan/421534943.html

UPDATE: “Flagged and Removed”. See original post here.

There is a new-ish dude at my office. He does design and web development stuff. His name is The Penguin.

His hair sticks up because of a lot of gel. And, he is tall, but also sorta portly. He spends a lot of time standing in front of the printer while it makes noises.

He is The Penguin.

Kevin: die hard: with a vengeance was on tv the other night

and the truck that Bruce Willis hijacks belongs to John Murray trucking

Murder: YES

I MEAN NO

THAT BASTARD

I WANT MY TRUCK BACK

Kevin: it was for the greater good

there was a BOMB

Murder: does that make me a hero?

Kevin: more of a hero assistant

you gotta start somewhere though

Murder: you’re telling me putting up with Bruce Willis’s bullshit doesn’t make me a hero?

Kevin: do you consider demi moore a hero?

Murder: no i consider her a potter

a blind potter

i could see patrick swayze behind her the whole time

i just took this conversation somewhere else didn’t i?

Kevin: yes

the map just flew out the window

Murder: and someone cut the brake lines

Kevin: and we just crashed through a chicken truck

there’s feathers everywhere

So on Wednesday, I am flying to Martha’s Vineyard. I have a flight on JetBlue back to the Bean, and then from there, I’m flying for the first time on Cape Air, which travels only to Cape Cod and the Islands. It seemed convenient. So I booked without thinking about it.

Then today, in anticipation of my trip, I decided to see just what kind of airline Cape Air was. And I found this:

I’m sorry, but it looks to me like for that thing to take off, someone has to throw it. And then if you’re lucky, it gets about five seconds in the air before it crashes into the wall of your bedroom.

The motto of Cape Air is “We’re your Wings”, which I guess is fitting, because I’d probably do just as good if I taped cardboard wings to myself and jumped off a building. Seriously, if you hear on the news about some kid getting sucked into the jet turbine of a 747 because he was running down the tarmac at Logan Airport as fast as he could flapping his arms, you’ll know that it was me, and that it happened out of fear.

Also, here is another picture of a Cape Air plane in flight, presumably on its way to a gay pirate’s convention or something.