I’m Way Into Whaling Now II

Murder: my schooner has spinnerz

xhibit put them on there

i was on Pimp My Schooner

Kevin: does your schooner have hydraulics

Murder: yes it does

Kevin: or doez dat scare da fishez

Murder: it aint da fishez i iz aftah!

Kevin: whut you tink da whalez eat, dummy?

Sent at 11:44 AM on Tuesday

Murder: krillz, son!

16 harpoons in the clip and one in the hole

I’m Way Into Whaling Now

I realized today that I have a new persona that is trying to get out. It is a 19th century whaling enthusiast.

I realized I have a deep-seeded need to go out and amass as much blubber as I can. The more blubber, the better.

I need to buy a pipe, so you can find me in the darkness by looking for the glowing embers. I need to buy a yellow rain slicker, so you can find me if I go overboard.

I need to be hanging off the bow of a boat with one hand in a fierce gale, throwing a harpoon through the belly of an endangered species.

I need more blubber, son.

REDEMPTION VIA HINDSIGHT

Nevahmind, we won after all!

Kevin: did you win the perfect strangers stuff?

Sent at 10:35 AM on Tuesday

Murder: yep

god dammit

Kevin: dude

that is the perfect ending to our ebay war

are you kidding?

Murder: it is?

Kevin: yes man

everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did

and you ended up with a bunch of perfect strangers buttons and a sheep on a pencil

me: hmmm

YOU’RE RIGHT

Kevin: ‘we are the champions’ is playing in my head right now

Murder: it’s like we transcended competition!

Kevin: we outfoxed everybody

it was the surprise ending no one expected

due to massive misdirection on our part

Murder: dude

that is incredible!

Kevin: i coudn’t be happier

and we couldn’t have planned it better

VICTORY IS A DISH THAT TASTES LIKE SIAMESE FRIED RICE AND ALSO VERY SWEET AND AWESOME.

Staying in Touch is Important

My friends Kevin and Gorman are good buddies. That’s why they make such an effort to stay in touch:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Kevin Titterton
Date: Aug 15, 2007 11:39 AM
Subject: Re: OH WORD????
To: Eric Gorman <eric.gorman@gmail.com>Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!Word is bond. . . .JAMES BOND!!On 8/14/07, Eric Gorman <eric.gorman@gmail.com > wrote:

word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
word son of man!!word son of man!!word son of man!!
On Aug 14, 2007, at 11:28 AM, Kevin Titterton wrote:

> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????
> OH WORD????OH WORD????OH WORD????

Speaks for Itself

Poll: What Was the Greatest Television Show Ever?

Answer: It was obviously Wings.

This historic sitcom ran for a stunning 172 episodes through the golden age of  my youth, 1990 to 1997, and chronicled the struggles of the Hackett brothers, Brian and Joe, as they attempted to run a small airline based out of Nantucket Island. Perhaps the show’s biggest addition to the canon of network television during its seven year run was the infallible Lowell Mather. Played by a young Thomas Haden Church, the eccentric yet sincere airport mechanic ’s misadventuresome ways were the focal point of the show’s comic relief, episode after episode. Take for example the following dialogue, concerning a ten-foot sub Lowell and others believe will be in attendance at Joe and Helen’s engagement party.

Brian Hackett: Brace yourself guys… um… were not having a big sandwich.
Lowell Mather: Excuse me, but, it almost sounded like you said there’d be no big sandwich.
Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Everyone loves the big sandwich.
Roy Biggins: A party with out a big sandwich? It-it-it-it-it’s just not done.
Casey Chappel Davenport: All right! Enough about the big sandwich. I am sure you will all be more than pleased with the food especially after you’ve tasted the marvelous poached Salmon.
Lowell Mather: How many feet did you get?
Casey Chappel Davenport: It doesn’t come by the foot.
Lowell Mather: Then how do you know when your full?
Casey Chappel Davenport: I gotta get off this island

Words should have sent a poet.