Agent to the Stars II

Clearly a career is developing here.

Invoice 4 FAMELAMEGAME

Mah esteemed klient regwets to infohm u that you owe him sum monay, to the toon of $462.60.

We ah beginning to feel that this 60 cents extwa evwy week is nothing moah than an insult. Derefore, keep your 60 cents, and spend it on diapahs, babies.

I ROOLZ.

-NaRniO’s PeePz

P.S. for payment, we except eitha cash or links to LOLcatz sites.

 

That voice is starting to make me want to kill myself.

Urban Planning–Meet Kevin

So after my superior made a passive aggressive, sarcastically coddling pass at me today, I started looking for other jobs. I came across one listed in the nearby surf town of Deerfield Beach for an Urban Planner. Here it is:

Performs professional work in urban design, zoning, land use, growth management, transportation and/or site planning.  Performs a variety of program/project planning activities that impact municipal development and include analyzing data and formulating and recommending plans and programs relevant to municipal conditions and needs. 

How awesome does that sound? I would be amazing at that. My friend Kevin didn’t think so.

Murder: is urban planning cool?

Kevin: what do you mean

Murder: like as a profession

Kevin: i think it’s a lot of work

Murder: yeah?

well fuck that then

Kevin: like planning a city?

i would imagine that would be pretty labor intensive, yeah

Murder: no i think its different

like planning zoning, dealing with growth, stuff like that. maintaining a city’s infrastructure. i’d want to do it in a small town

Kevin: hahahah

Murder: what?

Kevin: dude

i am not living in your town

no offense

Murder: why?

Kevin: dude, look, you’re a good guy

i like you

Murder: but…

Kevin: but i’m not living in a city that you plan. it is far beyond your depth

Murder: what the hell does that mean?

Kevin: it would require multiple master’s degrees and decades of experience

Murder: oh

Kevin: i’m not sure that you’re quite ready for it

Murder: probably not

Kevin: a good place to start might be with Sim City 2000

a lot of great computer stores carry it

Murder: if i was an urban planner i’d already know where those stores are located

Kevin: you could just play second life, and be an urban planner

Murder: no way

Kevin: would you go and see “Sim City 2000: The Movie”?

Murder: WOW. i can’t even wrap my head around what it would mean

so yes

Kevin: i imagine it sort of like watching TRON. . except watching a movie of myself watching TRON

Murder: it’d be hard to watch when the protagonist got bored with building and started trying to choose from the disasters in the drop down menu

Kevin: yes, that would be tragic. it wouldn’t be a family movie

See, Kevin’s the kind of guy that, in my town, would get a flaming pit dug in a ring around his house for being such a pussy. And he’d have to watch from his front porch through the flames while the rest of the town played on the giant carousel across the street from him, and he’d have to watch the drunks stumble home from the Drunkard’s Quarter on Tuesday nights because I’ve passed an ordinance that outlaws work, except for in Kevin’s house, which will be built of a series of cubicles stacked on top of each other.