So after my superior made a passive aggressive, sarcastically coddling pass at me today, I started looking for other jobs. I came across one listed in the nearby surf town of Deerfield Beach for an Urban Planner. Here it is:
Performs professional work in urban design, zoning, land use, growth management, transportation and/or site planning. Performs a variety of program/project planning activities that impact municipal development and include analyzing data and formulating and recommending plans and programs relevant to municipal conditions and needs.
How awesome does that sound? I would be amazing at that. My friend Kevin didn’t think so.
Murder: is urban planning cool?
Kevin: what do you mean
Murder: like as a profession
Kevin: i think it’s a lot of work
Murder: yeah?
well fuck that then
Kevin: like planning a city?
i would imagine that would be pretty labor intensive, yeah
Murder: no i think its different
like planning zoning, dealing with growth, stuff like that. maintaining a city’s infrastructure. i’d want to do it in a small town
Kevin: hahahah
Murder: what?
Kevin: dude
i am not living in your town
no offense
Murder: why?
Kevin: dude, look, you’re a good guy
i like you
Murder: but…
Kevin: but i’m not living in a city that you plan. it is far beyond your depth
Murder: what the hell does that mean?
Kevin: it would require multiple master’s degrees and decades of experience
Murder: oh
Kevin: i’m not sure that you’re quite ready for it
Murder: probably not
Kevin: a good place to start might be with Sim City 2000
a lot of great computer stores carry it
Murder: if i was an urban planner i’d already know where those stores are located
Kevin: you could just play second life, and be an urban planner
Murder: no way
Kevin: would you go and see “Sim City 2000: The Movie”?
Murder: WOW. i can’t even wrap my head around what it would mean
so yes
Kevin: i imagine it sort of like watching TRON. . except watching a movie of myself watching TRON
Murder: it’d be hard to watch when the protagonist got bored with building and started trying to choose from the disasters in the drop down menu
Kevin: yes, that would be tragic. it wouldn’t be a family movie
See, Kevin’s the kind of guy that, in my town, would get a flaming pit dug in a ring around his house for being such a pussy. And he’d have to watch from his front porch through the flames while the rest of the town played on the giant carousel across the street from him, and he’d have to watch the drunks stumble home from the Drunkard’s Quarter on Tuesday nights because I’ve passed an ordinance that outlaws work, except for in Kevin’s house, which will be built of a series of cubicles stacked on top of each other.
The incomparably charming Stefan Urquelle.
The incredibly irritating Steve Urkel.
