During my leaves of absences, Brown and Kevin will be guest blogging. I figure they are best suited to keep the MLH readership happy, considering they account for two thirds of it.

So long doodz.

I’ve been meaning to write something about this for a while, because it consumes my existence. A few months ago Brown was freaking out because his Mom got GChat. I thought that was awesome, and wanted her name, so I could talk to her about all the bad things that Brown does. But he flat out refused! So since then, I have tried everything to get my hands on his Mom’s first name. I’ve tried asking him a bunch of questions really fast and slipping that one in, I’ve tried whitepages.com, and I even sent him this in an email with the subject line “Kewl Quiz I found on the Internet”:

1. Who invented the internets?

2. Who was the 41st president?

3. What is your mom’s name?

So a couple weeks ago I realized I was going to need spies to get this done. Or spiez, because they would have to be on the internets. So I contracted KMase.

Murder: do you happen to know brown’s mother’s name?

because she has gchat

but he won’t tell me her name

KMase: hahaha

oh maybe I can find out with some smooth talking

Murder: definitely, he would tell you

just be like “oh, I am doing a science experiment, what is your mom’s name?”

KMase: hmm i’ll think of something

So KMase got to work. And I bided my time, probably googling old pictures of Geraldo or something. But then things went awry:

KMase: ugghh

it’s getting awkward over her asking Brown about his mom

i think he is on to me

Murder: uh oh. bail out.

i’ll see if I can divert his attention 

This is me, diverting Brown’s attention: 

Murder: HEY BROWN

WHAT’S UP MAN?

Brown: don’t have KMase do your dirty work for you

Murder: DUDE WHO IS KMASE?

HAHA, YOU’RE CRAZY. SO WHAT’S UP?

Brown: im not crazy. you want confirmation that my mom’s name is joan

Murder: UHHH, IS IT JOAN?

But he did not answer. I was foiled again. However, the following conversation, provided by KMase, was the kicker, and gave me great hope for the future:

Brown: hello?

KMase: sorry i had to get up

no, Murder and i don’t gchat

Brown: i don’t believe that

KMase: what? why?

nevermind Brown!

Brown: i’m very confused.

KMase: i was just trying to get to know you better!

Brown: listen. i can tell you more about myself, but this has to happen off the record.

i can’t have you leaking my mom’s name to Murder.

KMase: what are you even talking about?

Brown: ugh, nevamind

HE IS RUNNIN SCARED NOW! TRUST NO ONE BROWN, IMA TALK TO YOUR MOMZ IF IT IS THE LAST THING I EVAH DOES!

Murder: http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m1/johnnymurray/ghost.jpg

Brown: what the fuck is that?

Murder: uh, it’s elton john’s head photoshopped onto a ghost’s body?

duh

Sent at 3:37 PM on Friday

Murder: what planet are you from anyway?

 Brown: MURRAY I NEED A POST AND STAT

Sent at 4:48 PM on Thursday

me: FOUR MINUTES BROWN

I CANT HEAR YOU

LALALALALA

Brown: 

v

me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

NO MORE VAGINA FACE

Brown:  VAGINA

me: SEE, THERE

I JUST GAVE YOU A WEBSIDES POST

This is for the FameGame people’s new intern, who I don’t even know. This is getting out of hand/depressing/a little weird.

Clearly a career is developing here.

Invoice 4 FAMELAMEGAME

Mah esteemed klient regwets to infohm u that you owe him sum monay, to the toon of $462.60.

We ah beginning to feel that this 60 cents extwa evwy week is nothing moah than an insult. Derefore, keep your 60 cents, and spend it on diapahs, babies.

I ROOLZ.

-NaRniO’s PeePz

P.S. for payment, we except eitha cash or links to LOLcatz sites.

 

That voice is starting to make me want to kill myself.

 Murder: on it

Brown: nice

Sent at 2:46 PM on Monday

Murder: sent

Brown: DOPERS

Sent at 2:48 PM on Monday

Murder: cc me

Brown: fuck

Murder: whatevah

Brown: redone

Murder: swee

So today I was minding my own business when the following correspondence with my friend Brown happened. Brown IS the internet, and currently is helping these guys get a site called FameGame.com off the ground.

Brown: hey, can you do me a favor?

Murder: yeah whats up

Brown: i need to make an invoice for famegame (so i can pay rent)

Murder: nice

Brown: will you make it?

Murder: Dude that is like the easiest thing ever to do

Brown: Negotiated weekly rate: $462.60
Other expenses: $50 (craigslist posting)Total: $512.60

Murder: ok dude

I would obviously be an amazing agent, because this is what Brown sent to his bosses.

FameGame (also Lame!) Invoice 

I love tracking celebs! This job roolz! But Gawd, do I do like everything around here or what!  Here’s mah weekly rate: $462.60 (what is the 60 cents for, like so I can buy some gum or something? Can’t I expense gum? Whatevah.)  Then I made the Craigslist posting for an intern, because you guys don’t have little sisters you can use. Remembah? (Cuz it was like last week, so you should probably remembah.) That was like $50 or something. 

Whoah! Plug those two numbahs into the supah computah and OH MAH GAWD! THAT’S $512.60! THAT WILL KEEP ME ALIVE FOR LIKE ANOTHER 4 HOURS! AND ALSO LET ME BUY SOME GUM!  When does this site start hosting pictures of boobiez? 

Yours in Nooz, 

“DYIN’” BROWN

Lucky for him, my retainer is only one vodka tonic. He better watch out I don’t get any more clients though , because it could very easily become two vodka tonics.